Saturday, February 19, 2011

A Verbal Throw Up Session

So, I went to have my hair cut and highlighted a mom that is one of the most luxurious escapes. A few hours of pampering and reading gossip magazines and as luck would have it this salon was handing out mimosas today..."Why thank you I believe I will have one...and another..." and before you know it you are a little tipsy and you say "yes" to every "a la carte treatment" and your bill goes through the roof ;). Hmnnn, the alcohol was probably a pretty ingenious marketing scheme now that I think about it... oh well, made for a great day. Except....after 4 hours of being gone I came home and Luke's first words were, "You look exactly the same as when you left". Note to self: educate Luke on words to say to a woman when she comes home from a day at the salon. ;) why all this talk about the salon? Well, this was a new gal I went to today and so there is always the "get to know you" banter.... and when the question came up about whether I had children I conscientiously said I had 2 boys who are 9 and 4 and left it at that. Usually I verbally throw up and explain that Reid has Down syndrome and a conversation ensues about it. But, I conscientiously decided that I was not required to say it so I left it at that. But, you know what I found that I wasn't settled with that... I wanted to share it and later in the conversation it did come up and she did ask questions and somehow that felt better. I don't know why that is... is it that I am just a chronic "verbal throw up-er" or is it that I wanted her to know because she was young and not married and I remember being oblivious to anything other than my "fairytale" life dreams at her age and I liked the idea of her having exposure to knowing someone who has a child with special needs because who knows what is in her future or her friends futures, it is likely one of them will have a child with special needs and I like the idea of her having some point of reference of someone who is in that place and they are not shattered...but madly in love with their children and their life.

I remember when Reid was born I thought about a woman who had children at the preschool I had worked at in college, nearly 20 years prior. Her youngest who was probably only about 9 months at that time had Down syndrome. I never talked to her, her kids were in a different class but I remember watching her... I watched her love on that little guy and she seemed so peaceful. Not sure why she stuck out to me at that time but she did. I remember seeing her at the grocery store once too, just she and that little guy in the cart with his little almond shaped eyes. I remember thinking about how put together she was and I admired the quiet strength I guess I saw in her....she had no idea who I was and would have absolutely no way of knowing that on the day my son was born I had images in my mind of her and drew strength from what I saw in her.

So there it was today...a gal, a mimosa, a little trim, a few bright highlights....and a verbal barf session. Sounds about right to start a long weekend with! ;)

...and as for the children I'm madly in love with.... here ya have it.



jenhiatt said...

I love your boys!

Just tonight, we went to the party, without the kids. I was chatting to someone with kids, talking about our kids, and I never felt the need to tell her about Zach's DS. We talked ages, and what grade our kids were in and it just never came up. And it actually felt good to not go down that road because frankly, I didn't want to tell this person. I didn't want to get the side head tilt and the "oh" with the look of pity. Although the whole time I felt it was on the tip of my tongue, it just never came up. It always does come up but this time, this person, it just didn't. And I don't think this particular person needed to know :)

I am glad you had such a wonderful day. You deserve it!

Cory said...

I LOVE reading about your life, and your precious boys! They are so cute. They really do remind me alot of my own chicks, except that I have a older girl. But her build and stuff remind me alot of your Luke... in girl form. I hope that makes sense. :-) Reid is adorable. Moving on... its ok that you feel the need to share. I might feel the need to share more if River wasn't always right next to me. Ha! Someday when he is in school more or doing something where we are not always togeather I too might feel that need also. Right now what I do is try to just be an example. I have never had a bad experience yet either. River seems to draw people in to him and everyones response is almost giddy. And from time to time I have seen some one look at us, but I can't tell if its becuz I'm round, or he has Ds... or if we just make this all look soooo good. Ha! ;-) I might be simple, but I just don't care what people think, if they are keeping it to themselves. ;-)
Have a great week!

Becky said...

I could not agree more with your thoughts on this. I always feel that need to tell people. Lately, I have been doing it less and less because I am so comfortable with the way things are. All they need to know is she is my daughter, and we love her as we do my other daughter. Sometimes it comes up, and sometimes is does not. But, it is always on my mind and I too suffer a lot from "verbal throw up" as you so called it! Thanks for sharing this. I am glad you enjoyed a day out pampering yourself...that always feels so nice.

my family said...

I love to tell people about DS just to let them see our lives are really similar.

Glad you had a relexing day even though you still looked the same :)

Wish we could get the boys together, they would have so much fun

Nan P. said...

Your day out sounds just fabulous... I do enjoy getting my hair done exactly for the same reasons (only place I read all the stars' gossip) but I have never been offered any drink other than tea or coffee.... May be I should suggest it to them? May be not, if I end up spending more... LOL.

I totally get your "verbal throw up" reference. I do that throwing up myself: worse than a new mother is a new grandmother... even almost 3 years on! I think, at the begining, for me it was part of the process of acceptance, and integration of the reality of DS into our lives. Now, I am so proud of Cathal, of what he has gone through so bravely with his heart, of all the progress he is making, and so proud of both his parents, that I suppose talking about it is my way of celebrating them... And most of all of demystifying DS.

Bethany said...

I'm totally laughing because just the other day I used the term "word vomit" and the person I said it to was like "what in the hell are you talking about, what is word vomit?" Just had to throw that out there, it is getting weird, you and I. :) A good kind of weird. LOL

Anne and Whitney: Up, Down and All Around said...

love the pics except where is the one of you after 4 hours at the salon??? :) i love luke's comment when you got home, too! glad you had a GREAT 4 hour experience at the salon - isn't that the best!

Lisa said...

I can so relate to this, Cherie. I often have an almost uncontrollable urge to just put it out there.

andrea said...

Have you seen this:
I know you really love this little boy... could you help get the word out?